I can't go any further than this I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

How do you get over someone?
How do you NOT get over someone?

1. Think about him when you are in an uncomfortable situation and hope that he is with you in that moment of insecurity with your environment.
2. Think about him when you are having crazy fun with your friends and hope that he is with you enjoying those moments.
3. Think about him when you are telling your friends some stories and hope that he hears about them then he will realize how much he has lost for letting you go.
4. Think about him when something big happens in your life and hope that you can actually share it with him.
5. Think about him when you are making a decision and hope that he gives you a perspective that is fresh from yours so you can really weigh things.
6. Think about him when you are with your family and hope that someday he gets to meet them.
7. Think about him before going to bed and hope that he thinks about you, too.
8. Think about him while walking anywhere and hope that he sees you.
9. Think about him while looking at her and hope that he would fall for you as much as he did to her.
   
10. Think about him, write a blog, and hope that he gets to read it.

You make me wanna say oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh OHMYGOD

Anyone who has ever read my blog has probably already grown tired of my injustices considering that I always go in and out of the blogosphere. But who can actually have the guts to leave this world when you have people like this saying things like these about you?

Erika of theerikaeffect - This girl is the bomb! She is one of the first few bloggers I admired. She kickass because she is such an artist, on my used to be wordpress account, I've stated there that I am not good in ranting so I try not to rant as much as possible. Erika on the other hand, when she rants, it's still "lightweight" (ok, don't get lost here, her blog is not all about her bombasting over life and things lol!) not like any other rants that you feel tensed after reading it, I was smiling most of the time after reading Erika's ravings as it was written in the most artistic way possible and that my bloggerfriend is the reason why you deserve the myfingersRtyping kickass award. (I hope she gets her fingers into working again and be back in blogging.)

Malaine, srsly, you almost got me crying. And you also got my fingers typing, hihi. For that and more, I am truly, really, very grateful. BIG BEAR HUG!

I don't want to talk about why I have been gone for quite some time because I honestly don't know what to say either. I don't want to talk about the elections because expressing my sentiments seems easier in facebook considering that I only need to construct a sentence and the message already reaches all 847 of my friends, in theory. And I don't want to talk about my heart which almost got broken because I was too stupid and not careful.

Or maybe I will. In time. :)

You can talk all you want but my skin is really thick

I feel like I'm in a boat -
all alone,
floating slowly,
running with the waves.
Every now and then
something halts my journey
but I survive,
I move on.
And now I can't stop.
I can't stop and the vastness
and the rays of light ahead
and the nothingness -
they're scaring the hell out of me.

I have no idea why the fuck did I just put those words in there. I wasn't even trying to be poetic. I don't want to be poetic, at all. But I must admit, I miss my ComArts days. Because now, all I write about is capitalism's engulfment of society and such.

Moving on--
How are your Valentine's, people? Don't be such a scrooge and tell me that it's not a real holiday and that it's just a propaganda of companies to earn money. Blah and blah. Of course it's socially constructed! The question is, what isn't? Some people just really needs something to push them into saying what they really feel towards another person so let them have that day.

Anyways, mine was, well, sleep-filled. Went home at around seven in the morning (came from a gate-crashed prom, not-so-inuman inuman, pancit canton fest, road trip to watch the sunrise, and a lot more). Slept 'til my mom called (which was around one in the afternoon). Went to a Lola's place. Played tap tap. ATE A LOT. Slept at my Lola's couch. Lied Explained why I'm always sleepy. Ate pizza. Ate dinner. Watched kids play with a dog. Talked about semi of my life. Went back to Katip.

My girl friends and I were supposed to watch a movie and eat at Banapple but they suddenly had dates and I was with my family so no plans for us that day. Okay, I think I just emphasized the fact that I was the only one without a date that night. LOL

This is becoming too long and boring.

Pictures from the Prom Night we crashed. They might kill me for posting publicly though.

What's somebody like you doing in a place like this?

020510 - First Friday night of 2010 that I actually stayed home. The weekend that followed was also the first time in 2010 that I went back home to Subic. My weekend was indeed all for family time.

Photo taken by my Tito Rex. Originally posted at Facebook.

I've been thinking of these words for a few days now but I don't seem to feel like talking about it - my weekend - anymore. So what is it then that I want to talk about?

Cue Chasing Pavements, First Cut is the Deepest, Hey There Delilah, and all the other super sawi songs that anyone can ever find.

Oh no dear, my heart's not in pieces. It's just that I did something again and now I'm beating myself up for it. Doesn't it suck when I give out things like that but not say any detail at all? LOL

What I can say here, however, are the things I've learned from doing it. It? LOL Magpapahabol na lang ako sa suklay. At hindi ako fast food; fine dining ako, fine dining! (probably the longest Tagalog statement in this blog haha) Oh and one more thing: YOU'RE A REALLY BIG JERK. Kinilig pa naman ako. It's alright though; we can still be friends and hang out. Just stop talking about things please.

Dammit Valentine's day! How come you're getting into my nerves this year?

Are you patient, understanding? 'Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart

Guess who wants to go home to Subic like as in right now?

When I was still on vacation last holidays, I've always thought that I won't want to go home until it's time for another break given that my life here is, well, awesome. But after spending so much than I should, making the stupidest decisions ever, repeating the same mistakes, cutting some (okay maybe a lot) of classes, not reviewing for exams, and not passing requirements on time, I realized I need my momma to give me a big slap on the face to lecture me, to give me back a sense of what's wrong and what's right, and to just say that everything will actually, really, be alright.

You should know that while I was writing those last words above, I was a) thinking before writing for the first time (or not) b) not really feeling the words much c) (but) aware that they're actually, really true.

So this is the week that I will actually, really turn my life around. You should know though that I still don't think that I was "lost" or anything. It's just that I feel like I'm going broke, I'm hungry all the time, and I have deadlines to reach. FML

As I was saying, this is the week that I will actually, really turn my life around. I will attend all my classes and yes that includes Econ, I will pass requirements on time, I will handle my org responsibilities better, and I won't even go out on a school night. Who knows? Maybe I won't even drink this week. Yeah, right.

Nobody knows the way it's gonna be

Okay. So this is like the first time ever that I'm gonna be writing two posts in one day. Although technically, the first one is yesterday's already. Labo. But I'm sorta kinda ya knowz expecting (more of hoping actually) to be on an internet hiatus this weekend 'til Wednesday so yeah.

I'm actually really very sleepy right now. But I don't want to sleep yet because I want to punish myself. I'm not going to be able to pass a major paper for my Sociology of Religion class tomorrow morning because I'm not done with it yet. I still have three chapters to read, five to summarize, and handouts of theories to analyze. Boring. And to think I actually didn't go to school today just so I could finish it. And I just realized that I didn't pass anything required this week. Ugh, I hate that I brought myself in a situation like this. I feel like such a delinquent and I'm just starting to feel bad for that.

I'm just thinking about the fact that my professor won't minus points naman daw if I pass next week. He'll just have higher standards. FML

My head is aching because of thinking. LOL I'll just edit this when something worth writing comes into my mind. I'll just leave you with something worth commenting about. Haha

And this is exactly why I'm not a big fan of growing old.

Running through my mind all day

OMAAAAYGAAAASH!

I just got a call from Summit Media. They told me that there's an open internship position for the magazine Entrepreneur and they asked whether I wanted to apply. I then asked when this job would require me to start and she said this month. So I said no. Because I have school. And then I said I'll just hope there'll be an opening on summer.

Please tell me I made the right decision. Please, please.

She wanna have whatever she likes and she can if she brings her friends

If you are my tumblr friend, you would know that one of my new year's resolutions is to not drink on a school night anymore. Well, I'm just glad it actually took me five days to break that resolution. But come to think of it, today is actually our first day back. So technically.. oh well, never mind. I have a new new year's resolution! I changed the former to "I will not drink ng consecutive nights anymore."

But you can't actually blame me, you know. I only had one drinking night during the break. So FML. (Now everyobody probably thinks I'm some sort of a drunkard who can't live without the substance. LOL NAAAAT)

I just realized that I forgot to write about some of my special experiences with my year-end post. And since I actually want the world wide web to know about these, I will write about them. I don't know why either.

• lost half of the pair of my favorite Havs :(
• threw a debut party for my 18th
• rode a banana boat with crazy friends
  
• outed myself to all most of my crushes LOL
• slept at a friend's garden
• slept at a friend's then boyfriend's condo whom I just met that night

Okay. I srsly want to delete everything that I just wrote in that list. But I won't. For the love of the truth. I honestly can't think of the other things that I originally wanted to write in here. So maybe next time.

I can't seem to find somebody to love Is there somebody who still believes in love

For you I gave my heart and turn my back against the world..

LOL Anyone who's reading this post would probably think that I am a) in love b) on the edge of falling in love or (if you've been reading my older blogs) c) playing random stuff on my itunes.

Anyways..
Tomorrow I go back to reality; anyone wanna come with? Or can you people like face it for me? Haha

Going back to Katipunan is both a good and a bad thing for me. Good because I get my old (and at some level, real) life back! Freedom and independence, I missed you my babies. And of course, I missed my crazier than the crazy bus friends too. But it's also a bad thing because, yes, reality means I have to actually go to school and do boring, erm I mean, school stuff again. Which isn't supposed to be a bad thing since in the first place, I go to the Metro to study. WTF

Professors left a bunch of stuff to do for the break and I have to cram all of it this week. At least I actually got some rest and had a nice vacation. Nat.

Oh well. I just can't really wait to say THANK GOD IS FRIDAY.

I fucked my links up so they're gone now but I swear I'm putting them back.. ASAP.
Oh btw, you can follow me at http://erikasila.tumblr.com :)

I got to be unstoppable Ay ay ay ay You don't like

In 2009, did you..

• kiss a gay friend (in his attempt to actually teach you, well, moves)?
• feel like you're one with music in a jamming session with a local 'indigenous' band?
• eat loads of chocolate bars and drink milk just so you could sober up and study?
• attend a debut party but it started late and you already have something planned for the night so you had to leave even before the party started?
• see a friend cry all of a sudden because of.. never mind?
• bond with orphanage kids and let them use your camera until it's full of chocolate and greasy?
• celebrate your actual birthday by playing rockband and eating loads of fastfood?
• pass out for the first time in your life ever?
• wake up with your own puke as your pillow and no memory of the night that passed?
• worry about failing NSTP?
• meet new people and have, umm, great (and not-so-great) moments with them while your systems are loaded with alcohol?
• ask a guy out and then during the date itself you ambushed him into going to a friend's house party?
• drink too much for two consecutive days with two different groups of friends that you were actually sober for the whole summer?
• make loads of music videos with your girl friends while they were cramming for a report the next day after a party you just attended?
• dance your heart out in a stage you've always been familiar with?
• actually let yourself be a pellet of capitalism and forget about what you know about the system which sucks big time?
• receive your first hard-earned cash of P800?
• kiss your long time and forever girl friend on the lip just because?
• meet the alumni of your beloved org and from their experiences, you realized that you may have a future after all?
• attend a grand clan reunion and had one of the best days/nights of your year?
• party the eve of Ondoy's wrath not knowing that there was actually a coming storm?
• struggle to go home while Ondoy is flooding the streets of Cubao, Katipunan, and everywhere else?
• miss your high school barkada too much?
• have too much alcohol on an org event that you can't show your face to the world since it's so red?
• watch Katy Perry's concert and see her a meter away from you partying at Encore?
• try to escape reality?
• have a shirt with your name made for you?
• pass out again after months of not passing out while you're with a great group of guys and girls?
• play along the Blue Bridge with your friends which made the security guard think that you were actually being robbed or something?
• spend an afternoon with street kids?
• have three epic nights with the most fun people you've ever known?
• spend a morning with patients of NCMH?
• ride a car with 13 people in it?
• tell someone you're not going home until he comes with you?
• eat a balut's sisiw twice?
• walk for your department during the lantern parade?
• eat a lot you didn't care if your clothes would still fit you?
• try to lose weight the easy way?

OH WAIT.. THAT WAS MY 2009. I srsly didn't think this post would be this long so my sincerest apologies. Isn't it ironic that I'm starting this blog with a year-end post? LOL Be ready for me 2010. Because I'm gonna make you bigger, crazier, and a whole lot better. Happy holidays everyone!

I miss the times when happiness meant trampoline, giant slides, and colorful balls.