And you begin to wonder why you came

Dear Erika,

1. The only person you'll have for all of your life is yourself. Love her.
2. Ang hindi pag-aaral ng mabuti ng mga estudyanteng pinag-aaral at inaasahan ng bayan ang isa sa pinakasukdulang anyo ng korupsyon sa bansa. You are in UP to study. Prioritize.
3. Growing up is an inevitable twin of growing old. Act your age.

Sincerely,
Yourself in her most lucid form LOL

Raise a glass to mend the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends

Yesterday, I almost went to Taguig without even taking a bath. Guess how the fuck did that happen.

Okay. So I was at Shaw, outside my building, waiting for a cab because I'm going back to my dorm in Katip. When I found one, the driver told me he's just a new driver and not that familiar with roads yet (and I was thinking same old bullshit) so if I can just tell him the directions, it'll be alright. But being the geographically challenged person that I am, well you know the story. I was actually on the brink of texting my friends in case you know, but the driver actually had a good heart. He told me to just pay how much is it that I usually pay from Shaw to Katip so I saved P50. Bless you new cab driver!

Anyways, I was supposed to "wrap" my January up but I realized, I'm super tired and bored and (insert synonyms here) of talking about how much I need to change right now and it's srsly exhausting to finish this sentence.

There's only one thing to do, three words for you. There's only one way to say those three words and that's what I'll do..

The love month is coming in less than 12 hours. Brace yourself. This'll be another socially-constructed-but-equally-self-destructive period of our lives. Yeah. Right.

Are you patient, understanding? 'Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart

Guess who wants to go home to Subic like as in right now?

When I was still on vacation last holidays, I've always thought that I won't want to go home until it's time for another break given that my life here is, well, awesome. But after spending so much than I should, making the stupidest decisions ever, repeating the same mistakes, cutting some (okay maybe a lot) of classes, not reviewing for exams, and not passing requirements on time, I realized I need my momma to give me a big slap on the face to lecture me, to give me back a sense of what's wrong and what's right, and to just say that everything will actually, really, be alright.

You should know that while I was writing those last words above, I was a) thinking before writing for the first time (or not) b) not really feeling the words much c) (but) aware that they're actually, really true.

So this is the week that I will actually, really turn my life around. You should know though that I still don't think that I was "lost" or anything. It's just that I feel like I'm going broke, I'm hungry all the time, and I have deadlines to reach. FML

As I was saying, this is the week that I will actually, really turn my life around. I will attend all my classes and yes that includes Econ, I will pass requirements on time, I will handle my org responsibilities better, and I won't even go out on a school night. Who knows? Maybe I won't even drink this week. Yeah, right.

Oh sweetheart put the bottle down 'Cause you don't wanna miss out

You're our best bet. You or no one.

...and if this one was any other lifetime, I probably said yes. But right now, this is me and I can't give anything up in my life for that. It's much of a responsibility and I don't like the pressure. I can be the greatest pessimist and I hate losing. I never thought I'd ever be thinking about making a decision like this, ever, in my entire college life. Honestly though, It's pretty amazing to know that some people actually believe in me. I'd always be here, willing to help, but not in the way that you want me to.

This opportunity could actually probably straighten my life out and give me structure but it's still fuckin' politics. I'm in college. I'm young. I can always retake a class but I can never outlive a party. Whut? NAAAAT.

Accept the opportunity. If you lose, well, you never really wanted it in the first place. If you win, appoint someone to do all the dirty stuff for you then we can still drink every week, all night. LOLOLOLOL

And on other things, more interesting things (or not), I've been gone for so long! When Jessan asked me last night through Facebook why I haven't been updating, I honestly can't think of any reason other than I was really lazy. Remember that paper that I was supposed to pass during the first week? Well I still haven't gotten it done. As to when am I gonna finish, I have no idea.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go

Running through my mind all day

OMAAAAYGAAAASH!

I just got a call from Summit Media. They told me that there's an open internship position for the magazine Entrepreneur and they asked whether I wanted to apply. I then asked when this job would require me to start and she said this month. So I said no. Because I have school. And then I said I'll just hope there'll be an opening on summer.

Please tell me I made the right decision. Please, please.

She wanna have whatever she likes and she can if she brings her friends

If you are my tumblr friend, you would know that one of my new year's resolutions is to not drink on a school night anymore. Well, I'm just glad it actually took me five days to break that resolution. But come to think of it, today is actually our first day back. So technically.. oh well, never mind. I have a new new year's resolution! I changed the former to "I will not drink ng consecutive nights anymore."

But you can't actually blame me, you know. I only had one drinking night during the break. So FML. (Now everyobody probably thinks I'm some sort of a drunkard who can't live without the substance. LOL NAAAAT)

I just realized that I forgot to write about some of my special experiences with my year-end post. And since I actually want the world wide web to know about these, I will write about them. I don't know why either.

• lost half of the pair of my favorite Havs :(
• threw a debut party for my 18th
• rode a banana boat with crazy friends
  
• outed myself to all most of my crushes LOL
• slept at a friend's garden
• slept at a friend's then boyfriend's condo whom I just met that night

Okay. I srsly want to delete everything that I just wrote in that list. But I won't. For the love of the truth. I honestly can't think of the other things that I originally wanted to write in here. So maybe next time.

I got to be unstoppable Ay ay ay ay You don't like

In 2009, did you..

• kiss a gay friend (in his attempt to actually teach you, well, moves)?
• feel like you're one with music in a jamming session with a local 'indigenous' band?
• eat loads of chocolate bars and drink milk just so you could sober up and study?
• attend a debut party but it started late and you already have something planned for the night so you had to leave even before the party started?
• see a friend cry all of a sudden because of.. never mind?
• bond with orphanage kids and let them use your camera until it's full of chocolate and greasy?
• celebrate your actual birthday by playing rockband and eating loads of fastfood?
• pass out for the first time in your life ever?
• wake up with your own puke as your pillow and no memory of the night that passed?
• worry about failing NSTP?
• meet new people and have, umm, great (and not-so-great) moments with them while your systems are loaded with alcohol?
• ask a guy out and then during the date itself you ambushed him into going to a friend's house party?
• drink too much for two consecutive days with two different groups of friends that you were actually sober for the whole summer?
• make loads of music videos with your girl friends while they were cramming for a report the next day after a party you just attended?
• dance your heart out in a stage you've always been familiar with?
• actually let yourself be a pellet of capitalism and forget about what you know about the system which sucks big time?
• receive your first hard-earned cash of P800?
• kiss your long time and forever girl friend on the lip just because?
• meet the alumni of your beloved org and from their experiences, you realized that you may have a future after all?
• attend a grand clan reunion and had one of the best days/nights of your year?
• party the eve of Ondoy's wrath not knowing that there was actually a coming storm?
• struggle to go home while Ondoy is flooding the streets of Cubao, Katipunan, and everywhere else?
• miss your high school barkada too much?
• have too much alcohol on an org event that you can't show your face to the world since it's so red?
• watch Katy Perry's concert and see her a meter away from you partying at Encore?
• try to escape reality?
• have a shirt with your name made for you?
• pass out again after months of not passing out while you're with a great group of guys and girls?
• play along the Blue Bridge with your friends which made the security guard think that you were actually being robbed or something?
• spend an afternoon with street kids?
• have three epic nights with the most fun people you've ever known?
• spend a morning with patients of NCMH?
• ride a car with 13 people in it?
• tell someone you're not going home until he comes with you?
• eat a balut's sisiw twice?
• walk for your department during the lantern parade?
• eat a lot you didn't care if your clothes would still fit you?
• try to lose weight the easy way?

OH WAIT.. THAT WAS MY 2009. I srsly didn't think this post would be this long so my sincerest apologies. Isn't it ironic that I'm starting this blog with a year-end post? LOL Be ready for me 2010. Because I'm gonna make you bigger, crazier, and a whole lot better. Happy holidays everyone!

I miss the times when happiness meant trampoline, giant slides, and colorful balls.