You can talk all you want but my skin is really thick

I feel like I'm in a boat -
all alone,
floating slowly,
running with the waves.
Every now and then
something halts my journey
but I survive,
I move on.
And now I can't stop.
I can't stop and the vastness
and the rays of light ahead
and the nothingness -
they're scaring the hell out of me.

I have no idea why the fuck did I just put those words in there. I wasn't even trying to be poetic. I don't want to be poetic, at all. But I must admit, I miss my ComArts days. Because now, all I write about is capitalism's engulfment of society and such.

Moving on--
How are your Valentine's, people? Don't be such a scrooge and tell me that it's not a real holiday and that it's just a propaganda of companies to earn money. Blah and blah. Of course it's socially constructed! The question is, what isn't? Some people just really needs something to push them into saying what they really feel towards another person so let them have that day.

Anyways, mine was, well, sleep-filled. Went home at around seven in the morning (came from a gate-crashed prom, not-so-inuman inuman, pancit canton fest, road trip to watch the sunrise, and a lot more). Slept 'til my mom called (which was around one in the afternoon). Went to a Lola's place. Played tap tap. ATE A LOT. Slept at my Lola's couch. Lied Explained why I'm always sleepy. Ate pizza. Ate dinner. Watched kids play with a dog. Talked about semi of my life. Went back to Katip.

My girl friends and I were supposed to watch a movie and eat at Banapple but they suddenly had dates and I was with my family so no plans for us that day. Okay, I think I just emphasized the fact that I was the only one without a date that night. LOL

This is becoming too long and boring.

Pictures from the Prom Night we crashed. They might kill me for posting publicly though.

Are you patient, understanding? 'Cause I might need some time to clear the hole in my heart

Guess who wants to go home to Subic like as in right now?

When I was still on vacation last holidays, I've always thought that I won't want to go home until it's time for another break given that my life here is, well, awesome. But after spending so much than I should, making the stupidest decisions ever, repeating the same mistakes, cutting some (okay maybe a lot) of classes, not reviewing for exams, and not passing requirements on time, I realized I need my momma to give me a big slap on the face to lecture me, to give me back a sense of what's wrong and what's right, and to just say that everything will actually, really, be alright.

You should know that while I was writing those last words above, I was a) thinking before writing for the first time (or not) b) not really feeling the words much c) (but) aware that they're actually, really true.

So this is the week that I will actually, really turn my life around. You should know though that I still don't think that I was "lost" or anything. It's just that I feel like I'm going broke, I'm hungry all the time, and I have deadlines to reach. FML

As I was saying, this is the week that I will actually, really turn my life around. I will attend all my classes and yes that includes Econ, I will pass requirements on time, I will handle my org responsibilities better, and I won't even go out on a school night. Who knows? Maybe I won't even drink this week. Yeah, right.

I got to be unstoppable Ay ay ay ay You don't like

In 2009, did you..

• kiss a gay friend (in his attempt to actually teach you, well, moves)?
• feel like you're one with music in a jamming session with a local 'indigenous' band?
• eat loads of chocolate bars and drink milk just so you could sober up and study?
• attend a debut party but it started late and you already have something planned for the night so you had to leave even before the party started?
• see a friend cry all of a sudden because of.. never mind?
• bond with orphanage kids and let them use your camera until it's full of chocolate and greasy?
• celebrate your actual birthday by playing rockband and eating loads of fastfood?
• pass out for the first time in your life ever?
• wake up with your own puke as your pillow and no memory of the night that passed?
• worry about failing NSTP?
• meet new people and have, umm, great (and not-so-great) moments with them while your systems are loaded with alcohol?
• ask a guy out and then during the date itself you ambushed him into going to a friend's house party?
• drink too much for two consecutive days with two different groups of friends that you were actually sober for the whole summer?
• make loads of music videos with your girl friends while they were cramming for a report the next day after a party you just attended?
• dance your heart out in a stage you've always been familiar with?
• actually let yourself be a pellet of capitalism and forget about what you know about the system which sucks big time?
• receive your first hard-earned cash of P800?
• kiss your long time and forever girl friend on the lip just because?
• meet the alumni of your beloved org and from their experiences, you realized that you may have a future after all?
• attend a grand clan reunion and had one of the best days/nights of your year?
• party the eve of Ondoy's wrath not knowing that there was actually a coming storm?
• struggle to go home while Ondoy is flooding the streets of Cubao, Katipunan, and everywhere else?
• miss your high school barkada too much?
• have too much alcohol on an org event that you can't show your face to the world since it's so red?
• watch Katy Perry's concert and see her a meter away from you partying at Encore?
• try to escape reality?
• have a shirt with your name made for you?
• pass out again after months of not passing out while you're with a great group of guys and girls?
• play along the Blue Bridge with your friends which made the security guard think that you were actually being robbed or something?
• spend an afternoon with street kids?
• have three epic nights with the most fun people you've ever known?
• spend a morning with patients of NCMH?
• ride a car with 13 people in it?
• tell someone you're not going home until he comes with you?
• eat a balut's sisiw twice?
• walk for your department during the lantern parade?
• eat a lot you didn't care if your clothes would still fit you?
• try to lose weight the easy way?

OH WAIT.. THAT WAS MY 2009. I srsly didn't think this post would be this long so my sincerest apologies. Isn't it ironic that I'm starting this blog with a year-end post? LOL Be ready for me 2010. Because I'm gonna make you bigger, crazier, and a whole lot better. Happy holidays everyone!

I miss the times when happiness meant trampoline, giant slides, and colorful balls.