Everything's gonna be alright

Sleep never comes at the right moment. I mean honestly, who hasn't had that night when you want sleep so badly because the next day's gonna be epic? And of course, who here gets checked out by sleep every so often when you're reviewing/doing research/writing papers?

Anyways, I'm turning 19 in less than a week. Yay? No? IDK. I guess from a the-glass-is-half-full perspective, I should be happy and grateful that I have been existing for almost 19 years. But who could blame me for being so afraid worried of growing old? That would mean slimmer chances of losing weight, less nonsense fun and wasted time, priorities, and other stuff.

Crazy. This is how I remain to think even after writing about how capitalism gave rise to beauty and embodiment standards which then resulted to gender inequality and the like.

So, back to me turning 19. I realized last weekend that I have no birthday traditions whatsoever. Is it too late to start now? I can't even think of something to do. I just really wanna go to the mall and spend every single cent of the money that my momma gave me. Dang it Erika, theory and practice! Remember Kavanaugh's book?

Yeah, I talk to myself a lot nowadays. It's easier that hugging four people everyday for emotional stability.

You can talk all you want but my skin is really thick

I feel like I'm in a boat -
all alone,
floating slowly,
running with the waves.
Every now and then
something halts my journey
but I survive,
I move on.
And now I can't stop.
I can't stop and the vastness
and the rays of light ahead
and the nothingness -
they're scaring the hell out of me.

I have no idea why the fuck did I just put those words in there. I wasn't even trying to be poetic. I don't want to be poetic, at all. But I must admit, I miss my ComArts days. Because now, all I write about is capitalism's engulfment of society and such.

Moving on--
How are your Valentine's, people? Don't be such a scrooge and tell me that it's not a real holiday and that it's just a propaganda of companies to earn money. Blah and blah. Of course it's socially constructed! The question is, what isn't? Some people just really needs something to push them into saying what they really feel towards another person so let them have that day.

Anyways, mine was, well, sleep-filled. Went home at around seven in the morning (came from a gate-crashed prom, not-so-inuman inuman, pancit canton fest, road trip to watch the sunrise, and a lot more). Slept 'til my mom called (which was around one in the afternoon). Went to a Lola's place. Played tap tap. ATE A LOT. Slept at my Lola's couch. Lied Explained why I'm always sleepy. Ate pizza. Ate dinner. Watched kids play with a dog. Talked about semi of my life. Went back to Katip.

My girl friends and I were supposed to watch a movie and eat at Banapple but they suddenly had dates and I was with my family so no plans for us that day. Okay, I think I just emphasized the fact that I was the only one without a date that night. LOL

This is becoming too long and boring.

Pictures from the Prom Night we crashed. They might kill me for posting publicly though.

What's somebody like you doing in a place like this?

020510 - First Friday night of 2010 that I actually stayed home. The weekend that followed was also the first time in 2010 that I went back home to Subic. My weekend was indeed all for family time.

Photo taken by my Tito Rex. Originally posted at Facebook.

I've been thinking of these words for a few days now but I don't seem to feel like talking about it - my weekend - anymore. So what is it then that I want to talk about?

Cue Chasing Pavements, First Cut is the Deepest, Hey There Delilah, and all the other super sawi songs that anyone can ever find.

Oh no dear, my heart's not in pieces. It's just that I did something again and now I'm beating myself up for it. Doesn't it suck when I give out things like that but not say any detail at all? LOL

What I can say here, however, are the things I've learned from doing it. It? LOL Magpapahabol na lang ako sa suklay. At hindi ako fast food; fine dining ako, fine dining! (probably the longest Tagalog statement in this blog haha) Oh and one more thing: YOU'RE A REALLY BIG JERK. Kinilig pa naman ako. It's alright though; we can still be friends and hang out. Just stop talking about things please.

Dammit Valentine's day! How come you're getting into my nerves this year?

You can call all you want but there's no one home

I wore a freakin' dress to school today, for the first freakin' time. You could say that it was a nice experience considering that a professor of mine liked the fact that I was so girly today but I can't lay down at our tambayan which is actually, really sad because I didn't have much sleep the other night. That probably has to be the longest sentence in this blog. LOL

Anyways, maybe you would ask, "why the hell would you wear a freakin' dress if your heart is not really into it?" Well, it's because I'm broke. Or broken? Haha Half of my closet is still at the laundry shop and I can't fuckin' get them back because I can't pay for them yet. Right now, I only have a 50-peso bill on my wallet and some coins. And I've already borrowed money from a friend at that. I asked my momma last Monday to send me some moolah but the case is that she's already given me my allowance 'til the end of the week. What did I do with the money? I have no idea. LOL actually I do have an idea

But I don't care. I'm still gonna online shop and as soon as I get my moolah, imma pay for my items because I want a romper and that dress so badly. Yes, this is still how I think and react even after reading Kavanaugh's Following Christ in a Consumer Society. Try reading Nietzche's The AntiChrist too. It's what's on my bag right now.

Oh btw, I need a party place for an org event on the 20th. Anyone knows anywhere? Budget's tight. Please and thank you!

Hey Cupid! Can I get a Nathan Scott for Valentines?